This One, At Last, Is Bone Of My Bones And Flesh Of My Flesh

 

Dear Friends –

Before presenting my weekend blog for October 2^nd and 3^rd, I want to thank you for your patience in these last two weeks, especially if you had difficulty in receiving the blog.  Due to changes made to the web feed management service, we had to move the blog to a different service, follow.it, or we might have lost you as subscribers.  We believe this has been corrected and you should not receive any delays in A Catholic Deacon’s Perspective.

God Bless,

Deacon Jim Merle

Please note that I am not an expert in marriage or divorce counseling as it relates to our Gospel and readings in which both are referenced.  My blog this weekend is based on three perspectives: My own marriage of 53 years; Witnessing relative and friends’ marriages; and Meeting and talking with couples as a deacon either prior to a marriage in the Catholic Church or after a divorce of couples married either in or out of the Church.

There is a time in every marriage that a husband and wife question the reason for the union they are in and wonder if divorce might be a better alternative.  Sometimes it consists of a remark made in jest, but behind it there is a bit of truth because something has happened which has caused one or both to be unhappy.  It is at these low times in a relationship that we begin to realize the importance of why we are married and how we need to work even harder to make it a success.

Divorce seems to be the normal response when married couples are facing difficulties.  It offers an answer that will bring one or both back to a place prior to their marriage when all one had to do was take care of oneself.  Life was so much easier then.  And, yet, if we think about it, singlehood didn’t offer us a better life because we were alone and looking for fulfillment with someone who could enrich our lives.

What seems sad about this approach is that we have forgotten, those of us who are Catholic Christians, that marriage was instituted by God as we heard from the first reading of Genesis and divorce is a man-made law that deals more with how to divide assets and, if children are part of the equation, custody issues.  In essence, we are thinking of negating a God-given gift by using a man-made one that meets the legal aspects, but destroys the promises we made to one another to honor God’s blessing of our marriage.    

God, in His infinite wisdom, realizes that humans who are seeking companionship with other humans need to maintain a monogamous relationship with the person they marry for life in the wedding vows they recite.  It is one of several requirements considered by the Catholic Church prior to getting married in the Church.  The others are to be free to marry, to freely exchange their consent, to be open to children and to give their consent to all of these in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized church minister such as a priest or deacon.

The Church’s alternative to divorce is annulment which invalidates the marriage due to specified reasons; not just because the couple believes they have become incompatible since they married.  The reasons are based on what happened prior to the actual marriage.  It is in these areas that priests and deacons meet with either couples or individuals contemplating such a decision.  In other words, what were the reasons for getting married?

One of the areas in which deacons receive basic training during their initial formation prior to ordination is in annulments.  Divorce is not recognized by the Catholic Church because all marriages are considered valid whether they happen in or outside the Church.  Prior to a first marriage or after the divorce of a couple, the Church asks the status of the relationship to ensure a marriage can take place in the Church.

In addition to my work as a deacon in the area of marriages/annulments, I have over the years observed married relatives and friends who had either strained relationships or seemed to have it all together as husband and wife and parents.  The two areas that defined either success or failure centered on money and personal choices rather compromising to receive some type of satisfaction.

Despite the chaotic aspects of our world, I believe there is a purpose for our lives in everything we think, say or do.  God has a plan for each one of us and slowly unfolds it to us as we grow in faith by trusting in His ways.  I have been blessed to experience numerous “miracles” which have changed my life for the better.  Marriage to my wife, Candi, has opened my life to avenues I never would have explored had I stayed single or pursued a life in the priesthood.

Earlier this year, my wife, Candi and I celebrated our 53^rd year of marriage with a dinner at a nice restaurant reminiscing about our four grown children, 10 grandchildren and three great grandchildren.  We also asked ourselves two questions: Would we have gotten married, knowing now what we do about our life; and, if so, should we have done things differently?  I’ll let you fill in the answers to both questions as it relates to those of you out there who are married.

My reasons for getting and staying married have changed over the years, but at the heart of it is our love for one another expressed in so many different ways.  I look back on the 53 years we have shared as husband and wife and I now realize how naïve I was in the beginning, believing that I had done most of the major things in my life I wanted and that marriage was the next logical step for me.  What I have learned over the years is about accepting faults and celebrating differences of each other.  Compromising offers multiple options in which both can explore a better avenue of wedded bliss.

Adam had it right in our first reading from the Book of Genesis when he said: “This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.”  He realized from the very beginning that Eve was not only like him in so many ways, but now as a couple they were connected spiritually to God in the Garden of Eden through their love of each other and for God.  Many married couples today who accept God as being a part of their lives express in different words what Adam said as it regards having a love relationship in all areas of their life.

Jesus brings it all into focus in St. Mark’s Gospel when he tells the Pharisees that a man and a woman become one flesh in their marriage.  And, when that is done, Jesus said: “Therefore what God has joined together, no human being must separate.  Whoever divorces … another commits adultery against him or her.”  Jesus is bringing into context that the union between a man and a woman in the Sacrament of Marriage is compared to the union between Christ and the Church.  We, His disciples, in essence, are the bride of Christ.

If we make a decision to end our marriage by divorce, we lose in two ways: Everything we promised to one another in our marriage before God; and Breaking up our union with our Bridegroom, Jesus.   In the first instance we will suffer the pain of a damaged relationship we worked to build only to destroy it for an unknown life that may or may not bring us what we seek.  In the second way, the promise of our covenant with God to love one another that leaves us with the loss of everlasting life.

Love is the lynchpin in our marital relationship with God and each other.  Hopefully, we keep that in mind when we contemplate a change that could lose everything we hold dear to us.  

Reading 1: Genesis 2: 18-24
Reading 2: Hebrews 2: 9-11
Gospel: Mark 10: 2-16